Everyone expects a divorce to be upsetting, but many people are taken by surprise by just how devastating it really is. It’s all too easy for our lives to become narrower after a divorce. Obviously, the house can seem empty, but if you’re accustomed to being part of a couple, going out after a divorce can be even more depressing than staying at home. Who wants to go to a movie alone?
But it doesn’t have to be this bad. You may soon find that you’re enjoying your new life so much that you would never consider going back to the way things used to be. Here are a couple of steps that can help you move past your divorce and embrace your new life.
Discover a new passion.
Taking up yoga after a divorce doesn’t just provide exercise; it provides the ego boost and plain old fun of learning something new. A divorce can be a bruising experience, but using it as an opportunity to redefine yourself can transform it into something downright exciting. And it doesn’t have to be yoga. Why not take up acting? Or go to law school? Take advantage of the opportunity for a fresh start.
Be careful about what kind of stories you tell yourself.
“I can’t go on.”
“He’s destroyed my life.”
“I’ll never be happy again.”
Many of us tell ourselves stories like this after a divorce, and, needless to say, this kind of internal dialogue isn’t going to make you feel better. If you monitor what you’re telling yourself about the divorce, you may be surprised. You might be making yourself feel worse without even really be aware of it.
Try to make a conscious effort to make some positive statements a couple of times a day—“I’m going to come out of this feeling happier than ever,” “This is just the beginning of the best part of my life”—and stop yourself when you’re aware of making negative statements.
Don’t waste time with regrets.
Could have, should have. There are probably things you wish you’d done differently now, but it’s OK to let your regrets go and move on. When you look back on your regrets, you’re able to see how much you’ve grown since you’ve done the things you now regret, so you should really celebrate!
Divorce is a difficult process even in the best of circumstances. But it can also provide a fresh start and a clean slate. If you’d like to learn more about the divorce process, or if you’re considering divorce and want to discuss your options, I can help. Please contact me today to learn more!