Seeking divorce is a big decision, maybe one of the most consequential decisions you’ll ever make. A divorce will have a major impact on the rest of your life and on the lives of your children if you’re a parent. (Note that sometimes the impact is overwhelmingly positive! Nobody benefits when you stay in a bad marriage.) Is it the right choice? Only you can truly make that decision – but here are three questions to think about before you decide.
Are you still in love?
If you love your spouse, but you’re having problems in your marriage, it’s usually better to try to resolve your issues before you consider divorce. Couples therapy can do a great deal to solve marital problems and get a marriage back on course.
It’s tragic when a couple that really loves each other divorces because of difficulties that could have been resolved. If you’re considering divorce, give some thought to how you’re really going to feel about losing your relationship.
Is filing for divorce a way of getting your spouse’s attention?
Sometimes people hope that filing for divorce will serve as a wake-up call, but that is not a healthy way of opening up lines of communication. If you’re anxious to establish better communications, a couple’s therapist can give you pointers.
Have you thought about the negative consequences of divorce?
It’s easy to see the positive aspects of divorce. (“Finally I can get this jerk out of my life!”) But divorce creates many challenges as well. It can painful for children, and it can make their lives more difficult. Women tend to suffer financially; they are statistically less well off than married women, and their finances usually don’t recover unless they remarry.
Of course, there are often very good reasons for a divorce, and sometimes you have no choice. But if you’re uncertain about whether divorce is the best decision for you, make sure you are considering the negative results as well.
If you’re considering divorce, we can help you evaluate your options. I am currently offering a complimentary consultation, so give me a call today and let’s talk.