Guest Blog Post by Shannon McGorry, Certified Life Coach
Are you excited about the possibility of meeting someone or are you lukewarm about the idea of dating after divorce?
Both are completely normal. When faced with creating our life after divorce the topic of dating often has us entertaining questions like “Have you met anyone, yet?”
Yeeeeesh. Nothing like a little pressure. Not to worry, this is your process; you get to decide when you want to approach the idea and how you want to take action.
Start by asking yourself: Am I interested in dating again? If the answer is not yet, that’s okay. Just make sure you keep checking in with yourself on a regular basis– as someone once said to me “take out and time alone is fine for now, but not forever.”
When you are ready, let’s make the process easier and more fun. But how?
The key is to focus on you. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but I don’t mean it in a selfish way. What I DO mean is that you want to make this a great experience for you, so let’s focus on these 5 Tips for Dating After Divorce.
Be intentional and use your resources
Know your reason(s) and motivation. If you are ready, what are you looking for?
- A casual relationship?
- Fun experiences?
- Expanded social circle?
- The potential for a serious commitment?
There are plenty of resources out there; matchmakers, online dating platforms, even our family and friends who want to set us up… align yourself with the right fit. Are you paying for professional assistance, tapping into some help from your inner circle, or crossing your fingers hoping that Mr. / Mrs. Right walks through the door of the local coffee shop tomorrow morning?
Look in the mirror
Not just for your physical looks, but spend some time thinking about how you acted / reacted in previous relationships – know your strengths and weaknesses. Awareness helps us to not repeat history.
Step into confidence
Come from a place of confidence, knowing what you have to offer. Have a short list in your head of things you feel comfortable sharing about yourself, your life, your interests.
Do your homework
- Know where you’re meeting (where to park, how long it takes to get there, etc.)
- Understand what you’re doing so you are prepared (for example is it just drinks, or drinks and the possibility of dinner).
- Have enough information about your date so that you can ask questions to get to know him or her better.
Do something fun
Suggest something you love to do, a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try, or activity you really enjoy. If nothing else it can be time well spent because YOU enjoyed something about the experience.
Finally, don’t take on any pressure. Realize that you may invest some time and energy in dates that don’t ‘work out’. No worries. Even these dates have something to offer as they show us what or who doesn’t mesh in our life and we learn more about ourselves in the process. More than anything, take a deep breath and relax. Then, take the next right step for YOU; this is your journey.
Shannon McGorry is a Certified Professional Coach, specializing in individuals who are navigating one of the most critical crossroads in life; divorce and its aftermath. Expertise, Prioritization, and Accountability are the principles of her practice. Shannon’s passion is supporting individuals through all aspects of the realities of divorce (processing the emotions, making decisions, preparing for interactions, and creating their future.) Shannon empowers her clients to as they take consistent intentional action in support of their future reality. She is certified through the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching. She is available for private coaching, workshops, and speaking engagements via her website, http://www.lovestrengthandgrace.com.